I'm sharing a...well...not so perfectly hidden secret. Ready?
I'm a perfectionist. Yes, I said it. I like things to be just right. I like my days to go without a hitch, I like my kiddos to be perfectly behaved (a pressure I always try to never transfer to them - because let's face it, at 4 and 7, that's impossible). I don't like breakouts on my face or dirt on my clothes when it doesn't belong there. Oh, and I'm competitive. Like fiercely competitive.
I like being good at things.
I took a spin class today. Probably the first time I have taken spin in 3 years or so. Well, this was no walk in the park (as any good spin class shouldn't be). But seriously, halfway through, I felt the lunch I had eaten just about an hour before spinning (not recommended) rising up in my throat and I had to back off my intensity or I would be the puker.
This is foreign territory for me. I have a reputation for being in shape and strong and able to do all that is "fitness related".
Ain't so guys - and it kicked me hard in the gut today! I'm a runner. I broke my foot last summer so since last June, I really haven't done much in the cardio arena. While I have started going out for longer runs - up to about 5 miles now, I have not done any additional physical training except my yoga, and that's really very spiritual in nature to me anyway.
So today, it was a sort of test - my own of course - but a test to what I could handle. Halfway through the spin class, I could not help but to look over at the girl's bike next to me to see how far she had ridden. She had ridden at least 2 miles further than I had.
It was like someone slapped me in the face. I was in a room of peers - co-workers actually - and I felt immediately ashamed. How could I let someone beat me? How could I not be the BEST at this particular activity.
Truth hurts here, folks. We're not the best at everything. If we are, then we may as well be God.
We're human. But somehow, we're always comparing ourself to other people. Why is that?
Her waist is smaller than mine. She wears a smaller size than I do. She's a better mom than I am. She works harder than me. My boss likes her better, so I must be doing something wrong.
The fact is, we need to GET OUT OF OUR OWN HEADS!!!
There is nobody who is following us around saying, "you're not good enough."
"Did you see she's a size 2 and you're a size 8, you fat ass?"
"You didn't spend every minute of your snow day with your kids? You're such a terrible mother."
These are thoughts that we allow to take shape and life in our own minds. Why do we do that to ourself and so constantly?
Where is the pressure coming from to succeed and be the vert best at everything we try.
Think about your career. I bet (unless you're actually a licensed electrician) you didn't come home today and re-wire your whole house. Nope, we leave that to the professionals. But do we sit back and berate ourself for the fact that we can't do it?
No. Because we know it's a specialization.
Here's the cool fact though... you're a specialization, too! You were made from scratch to play your role on this earth. You're special. Perhaps it's high time we start dumping the baggage of what we're "supposed to be" and start embracing the gift that we are!
It's a whole lot easier to be a gift and it looks far more beautiful looking from the inside out! Be happy being you. I'm happy I am me. And I am declaring this as my oath right now - I am going to try to be gentler on myself and understand my strengths and limits better than I do at this point and unapologetically succeed where I am meant to succeed and fail where I am meant to fail.
That - and only that - will take me to my ultimate destiny.