I talk a lot about being authentic. I’m not sure I always describe what that means to me.
Being authentic means bringing your entire self to the table and showing your emotions. Authenticity means being 100% you at all times, no matter what you’re struggling with.
I would love to say I have a 100% positive outlook on life and since I can help other women look into themselves and find their greatness, I am living a life of peace rivaling that of the Dalai Lama.
But in fact, the Dalai Lama is quoted as saying: “A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity”.
So in complete authenticity and transparency with you, I offer you my emotions of late.
I am training for the Grand Island half marathon. That run is in 3 weeks. So far, I have trained up to 8 miles. I know I can finish the 13.1, but I also know that I won’t finish fast enough for my competitive nature.
I think that’s holding me back.
I’ve been holding on to a lot of emotions of late; stress, anxiety, fear, insignificance, compare and despair, all of it that everyone experiences on a daily basis.
I have so many big dreams for myself that I want so badly to come true, but it seems the road continues to get longer and bumpier the more I push towards them.
Also, in the spirit of candidness…because I know so many of you struggle with this, too – I don’t like the way I look.
I have not been eating super healthy, I have not been exercising as regularly as I was, I am not as confident in my body as I was last time this year when I was running miles upon miles every day training for a half marathon.
It’s been cold and nasty outside and that is not getting my motivation going to head out and train and I despise training on a treadmill. This running a half marathon has all of a sudden become something I “have to do” as opposed to something I “want to do”.
When you begin to place labels on exercise as a “have to” it loses it’s stress relief impacts and just becomes another thing we HAVE to do.
I feel a difference in my body. I know my legs and butt are not as firm as they once were. I feel it. I see it in my clothes; I see it when I look in the mirror naked. So I want to assure you, that whatever you’re feeling inside that body of yours, I am feeling along with you.
I’ve begun to really try to adopt the 70/30 mind-set. It goes in several ways. In terms of nutrition, I am trying to eat healthy 70% of the time while allowing myself to give in 30% of the time. Happiness is another one. I am trying to be happy 70% of the time and know that when there is crap going on, you’re just not going to be able to be completely happy, so I respect and accept the 30% of the time when my mind is in other places that is keeping me from being Dalai Lama happy.
I accept myself for who I am. I accept my body. I have been focusing very heavily on being a good mom lately and that has been providing me with my greatest source of happiness. I love watching the joy on my children’s faces.
I am self-conscious that my skin is breaking out from stress. I am acutely aware of the fact that there is a roll in my stomach when I sit down that was not there last year. I feel my thighs when I wake up in the morning and I know what it felt like to have “runners legs” just last year. I don’t have that now.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I felt it was important that you knew that this is not an isolated incident that you are feeling. We all feel this way’ not good enough, not lean enough, not pretty enough.
I ask myself – as I would ask you – what do I stand to gain if I lose some weight or tighten up my mid-section? Is that going to change me as a person? Is that going to make me better somehow? Am I going to become super mom because I have a six-pack?
Nope, I’ll likely just feel more stressed because I am trying to rope myself into someone that my body doesn’t want to be right now. So I am going to live authentically and happily and that way, as I continue to have my own breakthroughs, I can help you deal with your own, too.
Happy day and thank you for letting me share my words with you.