Understanding high expectations and how to manage them

Understanding high expectations and how to manage them

It’s hard to understand and manage high expectations. I have high expectations for my birthday every year. I love my birthday. I always say that your birthday is the only day the truly focuses on just YOU. Every other holiday is spent focusing on other things or celebrating for different reasons. Your birthday is all about you; unique and wonderful you.

I started at a new company about 5 years ago. I have always had friends at work and decorated their desks on their birthday, brought them a card or did something to make them feel ultimately special. I think it’s important.

But at this new company, I didn’t really have friends. So, for the first 3 years that I was there, my desk never got decorated and nobody at work even acknowledged it was my birthday. Every year, I went home disappointed and let down.

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Self-Awareness: Understanding Where it Comes From

Self-Awareness: Understanding Where it Comes From

To achieve self-awareness, here’s the best advice I can give to you. Always stay true to yourself. There’s so much crap filtering into our brains on a daily basis, sometimes it’s hard to distinguish our real thoughts from the thoughts we’re hearing and believing from others.

We’ve become so ingrained to listen to what is trending, and what we should be promoting about ourselves through social media at large that we’re all hopping on the “self-help” bandwagon and showcasing of our best traits to the world.

With this boom in the promotion of self-awareness and personal transformation, I wonder if we aren’t – in the process, actually giving up MORE of our identity to societal expectations.

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Tips to Increase Energy Through Activity

Tips to Increase Energy Through Activity

When you begin to feel tired or have a lack of energy, you begin to start making poor decisions. It’s harder to simply focus, let alone make decisions that are comprehensive and fresh. The brain functions better after being stimulated – either physically or mentally.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re in a negative mind-set, it is so easy to latch on to the negative energy around you? It’s really hard to be positive all the time, especially if you already have negative vibes and tones in your brain. Personally, when I am in a negative mind-set, I find myself much more judgmental – not just about other people, but about myself, too.

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Can you achieve ultimate success?

Can you achieve ultimate success?

According to dictionary.com, we achieve success when we reach our desired goals and outcomes. It’s successful when other’s recognize and appreciate what we have done.

But, many times, we don’t achieve the desired outcome. Or the end doesn’t even seem near, let alone attainable. The things we do on a daily basis that we really want to succeed with, are bigger than we are; and it’s not about reaching the end.

Guess what, when we sound out the word “success”, the first syllable sounds like “suck”.

And you know what, almost 99% of the time, we have to suck before we can succeed.

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How to learn to love yourself.

How to learn to love yourself.

It’s Valentine’s month. It’s the month of hearts, flowers, candy and cards. We get to shower the ones we love with gifts and grand displays of affection. We want them to know how much we love them. 

So, what did you buy yourself? 

Wait, you don’t buy yourself anything for Valentine’s Day? Why not? I think I can answer that. It’s because you don’t think of yourself as someone you love. You think about yourself as flawed, and imperfect and in constant need for improvement.

Why are we our biggest critics? Why do we autocorrect when someone gives us a compliment?

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How to Calm Your Body and Mind for Sleep After a Loss

How to Calm Your Body and Mind for Sleep After a Loss

Recovery from the passing of a loved one is something that often takes months to even begin. Throughout the whole bereavement process, you can experience sleeplessness, loneliness, and depression.

Getting more sleep can really make a difference in taking care of yourself and helping yourself move through your grief. If you’re struggling with sleep, here are a few ways you can improve it.

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Why don't strangers smile?

Why don't strangers smile?

What would the world be like right now if we, as adults, could as effortlessly accept new people into our lives with open arms.

But we can't. We've been jaded, burned and hurt. We've had our fair share of gossip, that we have both been on the giving and receiving end of.

Do you smile at a stranger when they pass you by? Have you ever noticed how many people don't look you in the eye and smile?

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Perfection is fear in disguise.

Perfection is fear in disguise.

Congratulations. You've effectively created a safe life built around what everyone else thinks and nowhere close to what you really want.

What does happen if you do B+ work? But you do so much of it that all of a sudden, you're becoming a known name in your field? What if you start getting the attention of others because you're now on the radar.

Ponder this one...What if your B+ work is ACTUALLY most other's A+ work?

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How do you get what you really want?

How do you get what you really want?

A few months ago, I was at a health coaching conference. We were instructed on a partner activity. The activity was to use whatever means possible to get your partner to open up her fist for you.

Being competitive, I did everything to get my partner to open her fist. I tried to pry it open. I licked her. I bit her. I tickled her. I downright wrestled her and to no avail. That fist stayed sealed shut.

After the activity, we were asked what we did. I proudly proclaimed my efforts - thinking I had done everything possible, but the task given was just impossible to achieve.

Then then the next woman at the microphone admitted that she got her partner to open her fist. She was asked what she did to make this happen and she simply said, "I asked her nicely."

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Are you being honest with yourself?

Are you being honest with yourself?

Are you being completely honest with yourself? Being authentic means bringing your entire self to the table and showing your emotions. Authenticity means being 100% you at all times, no matter what you’re struggling with.

I would love to say I have a 100% positive outlook on life and since I can help other women look into themselves and find their greatness, I am living a life of peace rivaling that of the Dalai Lama.

But in fact, the Dalai Lama is quoted as saying: “A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity”.

So in complete authenticity and transparency with you, I offer you my emotions of late.

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Clear emotional clutter from your life

Clear emotional clutter from your life

The other side of clutter though, is the figurative clutter. As women, we tend to clutter our schedules with a lot of "must do's" instead of "want to do's". Our lists every week grow longer and longer with things to do for everyone else, we forget - so often - to add something for ourself to our list of things to do.

So if you ever hear me talking about clearing clutter, I'm likely more speaking about the emotional clutter that stands in the way of our optimal happiness. There's a difference between filling your calendar with things you want to do and filling it with things you have to do.

One of those options leads to much more beneficial emotional health.

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What if I'm just not OK?

What if I'm just not OK?

Let’s be real here for a sec. Life is crazy and wonderful and beautiful and every new experience is awesome because we get to experience it.  We have a life to experience with all these crazy ups and downs and for that, we get to sit back and be thankful.

BUT – let’s call a spade a spade. It’s not always bubblegum and roses, is it? Life downright sucks sometimes. Sometimes, out of nowhere we’re blasted with news or happenstance that just throws us for a loop when we least expect it.

I have a tattoo on my arm that says, “You are exactly where you are meant to be”. That doesn’t mean we WANT to be here right now, it just means that we are here – like it or not.

Finding the silver lining inside the dark clouds is hard at times. Scratch that, it’s always hard to see the silver lining. Especially when you’re covered in doom and gloom with every passing turn.

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Do you feel bad about setting boundaries.

Do you feel bad about setting boundaries.

So here’s what happened then. I decided it was healthy to clear clutter and toxic from my life. I decided to reach into me and be with people I trust and love and I know are my truth. Many people can’t handle that and retaliate with nastiness as a defense mechanism.

The point I am making here is that you shouldn’t ever feel obligated to keep a negative presence in your life. As coaches, we talk a lot about clearing clutter. A lot of times, we’re talking about physical spaces, but many times, we’re talking about the clutter that bogs down your mind and soul, too.

This can be people, jobs, events or anything else not physical that gets in the way of you getting to your goal.

 

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Are you afraid to be naked?

Are you afraid to be naked?

I’m not talking about the kind of naked you think I am. You know, no clothes, standing out in the open. Sure, that’s scary, but I am talking about being a kind of naked that is even worse than that.

Are you afraid to be emotionally naked?

I’m terrified and I LOVE IT!

Talk about being naked. This is like, full on, total frontal nudity going on here. We won’t be able to hide anything, but that’s what is going to make this journey so effective.

This is scary, right? When you strip away the layers you wear as protection, you begin to feel really exposed to the elements, really quickly. Fear and hypothermia set in really quick and it’s human nature to want to retreat to solace and warmth and stay where it is comfortable.

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Get out of your own head!

Get out of your own head!

Truth hurts here, folks. We're not the best at everything. If we arere, then we may as well be God. 

We're human. But somehow, we're always comparing ourself to other people. Why is that?

Her waist is smaller than mine. She wears a smaller size than I do. She's a better mom than I am. She works harder than me. My boss likes her better, so I must be doing something wrong.

The fact is, we need to GET OUT OF OUR OWN HEADS!!!

There is nobody who is following us around saying, "you're not good enough."

"Did you see she's a size 2 and you're a size 8, you fat ass?"

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You don't have to always be strong.

You don't have to always be strong.

Think about one of the most vulnerable of times in your life, yet you stayed strong. This urge to be strong fought against your every human notion to allow yourself to feel emotion, and pain, and denial and all the rising feelings that accompany an adverse time.

What generally happens then, is that we are so strong in the face of adversity, we forget to turn it off.

Everyone marvels at your strength. Everyone comments on how strong you are and that somehow elicits the feeling that we must continue to be strong. We will be strong for everyone around us. We will be strong so we can spare everyone else having to deal with our pain.

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Why are you so hard on yourself?

Why are you so hard on yourself?

By autocorrecting, you’re fueling a negative opinion of yourself and continuing to build up your “not good enough”  status.

STOP IT!

Think of someone you love in your life. Got that person? Husband, kids, friend? OK, now imagine that someone tells you that said person is ugly, or a jerk.

What is your gut reaction? Your knee jerk response is to disagree and defend that person. You don’t see one ounce of what that ridiculously wrong person is saying and you defend your loved one with every fiber of your being.

You don’t love yourself? You can’t defend yourself? You can’t elevate yourself to a status where compliments are real and true?

 

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I was ugliest when I was skinniest.

I was ugliest when I was skinniest.

There’s a time in my life that I keep under a very secret lock and key because it’s too painful to bring it up. But, since we are all on the same journey of self-love and acceptance, I’d love to share one of my most vulnerable stories with you.

Back in the day, I was a figure competitor. I worked out like a crazy woman, ate sometimes no more than 900 calories a day, did 3 cardio workouts a day, all so I could get on stage for :30 before a panel of judges.

I had a sticker on my computer that said, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” (That’s not true, chocolate is pretty damn delicious!)

 

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You Are Exactly Where You're Meant to Be

You Are Exactly Where You're Meant to Be

Here's my truth. At the age of 58, my dad died from some unknown lung infection. Here I am, 33 years old without my dad and my mom, a widow at 57. My babies are without their grandfather, and we are all left with a wonder of why this happened.

There is nobody on this earth that could have told me that this happened for a reason. I have been down the path of complete and utter torture and loss with my friends and in my life.

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Women: Take Back Your Power

Women: Take Back Your Power

I did everything I was supposed to do for 33 years.

That’s when I realized, I wasn’t fooling anybody. I was on anti-depressants and anti anxiety medications and the tiny little voice in my head that kept telling me I was supposed to be doing something different got louder and louder until I just couldn’t ignore it anymore.

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