Have you ever encountered this situation? You’re out shopping, you’re at the gym, you’re in the grocery store and you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while and you put a smile on your face, say hello, give a friendly hug and make small talk, then part ways with a bit of an icky (that’s the technical term) feeling in your stomach that you can’t quite pinpoint.
Then you get to thinking about it and you remember why you haven’t spoken to that person in a while and it’s been your choice the whole time. It’s because this person makes you feel badly about yourself. Something about them brings out a characteristic in you that you don’t like.
At some point, you made a conscious decision to liquidate this person from your life. When you run into them, for a split second, you wonder why it is you don’t talk anymore, but it comes back really quick.
Or how about this scenario? You have people in your life that bring out the worst in you and yet you keep as them as social media friends and follow their “Fakebook” lives and Instagram and feel more and more badly about yourself. But you can’t possibly “un-friend” or un-follow them – because we may, gasp, hurt their feelings.
A few years ago, I decided to clear out my Facebook profile and stay friends with only people I had spoken to in the past 6 months or knew what my kid’s names were or were related to me.
In one particular instance, as soon as I completed my “spring cleaning”, I was texted by a person (whom I hadn’t heard from in more than a year) with really nasty messages inquiring why I would un-friend them. For that person, it was a personal blow and she then took to her own Facebook profile to trash me (passive-aggressively of course) with scathing posts about wondering why she would want to be friends with someone like me anyway.
So here’s what happened then. I decided it was healthy to clear clutter and toxic from my life. I decided to reach into me and be with people I trust and love and I know are my truth. Many people can’t handle that and retaliate with nastiness as a defense mechanism.
The point I am making here is that you shouldn’t ever feel obligated to keep a negative presence in your life. As coaches, we talk a lot about clearing clutter. A lot of times, we’re talking about physical spaces, but many times, we’re talking about the clutter that bogs down your mind and soul, too.
This can be people, jobs, events or anything else not physical that gets in the way of you getting to your goal.
Negative people get in the way of you reaching your goal. You don’t need the negativity in your life. You don’t deserve the negativity in your life and you deserve to clear out the clutter that is holding you down without guilt.
We just simply need to get better at saying yes to saying no. It’s empowering. When you’re a “yes” person, it’s very hard to look at saying “no” as a positive step. But saying “no” in the right instance is one of the strongest things you can do.
I encourage you, when you’re finished reading this to take a look at your Facebook friend list and eliminate one person who doesn’t make you feel like you are worthy. I encourage you to look at your calendar this week and say “no” to one event that isn’t going to fill you with gratitude.
You’re worth it. You’re worth the time and the energy. Perhaps saying no to that one event will give you a minute of solace that you’ve been looking for. Maybe it means you can go take the yoga class you’ve wanted to take for a while or even have some alone time to read a book.
Leave me a comment and let me know what clutter you're clearing this week!